Chapter 14: Robyn's Story II

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 14: Robyn's Story II

All my parents ever did was argue. 

It didn't matter at all whether or not I witnessed it.

Eventually, they divorced. Since my mom was no longer around, my dad would often take his anger out on my possessions.

Growing up, it was quite difficult for me to comprehend that the kind father that would play dolls with me

was the same person that would destroy my dollhouse afterward.

I'm sure that being a kid is lonely for everyone, but for me the isolation was intense. I had always felt a closer connection to my mom, but my dad had custody of me. That pretty pink princess room often felt like a pretty pink prison cell.

Logan was always there for me.

He'd go through incredible lengths just to make sure I always smiled. 

Even years later, my dad always tried picking fights with me. He told me that he knew I had been spending time with guys late at night. Said he was disgusted.

After ten years of this verbal and psychological abuse, I was done with his crap. How dare he imply that I'm some slut. Maybe I'd be better with relationships if him and mom were a better example. It's not like I had any role models for what a healthy relationship is. Maybe that's why I stayed with Isaac for so long even when it wasn't healthy.

I took my anger out on the stuffed animal. Like father, like daughter I suppose.

If he's never gonna stop fighting, then I'm gonna be sure there's something worth being angry for.  When Logan admitted to loving me, I didn't want to turn him down. In fact, I think I love him too, but his companionship is not worth risking.  Not to mention that my father has just made me feel like I'm not deserving of love. It's the reason when Isaac told m I didn't deserve his love that I left. Whenever there's a choice between being sad or being angry, I choose angry every time. I'd rather yell at Isaac than admit to how his phrase brought up insecurities. The only time I've doubted my choice is with Logan. Did I make the right decision by choosing to lash out at him rather than admit to my fears regarding relationships and my owning up to my vulnerability?