Chapter 24: Crumble

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 24: Crumble

The very first time I introduced Rosella to Lory, I was incredibly nervous. They are the two most important women in my life. I wouldn't be able to move forward with Rosella if they didn't get along. Luckily, after a few minutes of awkward silence, they were getting along. I could tell they were both happy, and I was too.

Maybe it was wrong of me to bring Rosella the way I did. We had been engaged for quite a while and I wanted both Lory and Rayven to have the chance to meet my future wife since they would be interacting with her quite frequently from now on. Rayven saw it as me trying to replace her or confuse Lory. "You brought in some random woman for our daughter to meet when you know I should be the only woman in her life. We're her parents. Not anyone else. Don't try and replace me as the main female in her life."

Maybe I was looking for an argument that day. Rayven had been getting on my nerves the last few times I visited. "I understand how difficult it must be to rearrange your schedule to accommodate a visitor, but I'm not just any visitor, I'm Lory's father. I would never introduce Lory to just any girl I was seeing. Rosella is more than a girlfriend, she's my fiancee."  

I added in one more line just to tick her off, "Besides, maybe she does need another female role model. You've had that same silly pink & blue hair for six years. We're adults and you still walk around looking like cotton candy."  Before Rayven could respond, I kissed Lory goodbye and left with Rosella. Rayven would have to come around eventually.

I was incredibly happy to have rekindled a friendship with Robyn, she was still a phenomenal listener. We chose a bar in Oasis Springs to meet up at weekly in order to just talk to each other about what's going on in our lives.  I told her about Rayven and she was able to calm me down. After a few drinks, no conversation topics were never off limits. Everything from how I feel like a burden to Rosella since I still haven't found work, to trying to co-parent with Rayven, to even how I wish Rosella was just a tad different. I told Robyn about how Rosella lost a bit of fire she had back in university. "I dunno, Robyn. Passion is what I look for most in a girl. In fact, I think it's part of the reason I was so drawn to you in high school". Before I had the time to process what I had said, the words were already out of my mouth. We both sat in silence for a few minutes, the air felt thick. 

"Forget what I said, I adore Rosella. There isn't a single thing I'd want to change about her. She's intelligent, outgoing, funny, playful, and my best friend." As of lately, that last detail was a lie. I felt much more comfortable sharing my thoughts, feelings, and emotions with Robyn recently. She just had this way of putting me at ease and making me feel as if all of my problems could be solved. I understand that part of the reason Rosella can't really do this is because of the fact she's working now though. "Rosella and I actually got into an argument the other day. She took a job with this company doing work that doesn't excite her. The Rosella I initially met would have never done that." Hearing it out loud, I realized how foolish I had been. Of course Rosella took the job, we need money more than she wants an exciting job. "Maybe I'm just a self-sabotager. I sense that everything is going too well, so I mess it all up." Robyn merely placed a hand on my back and patted it. She wanted to comfort me in that moment.

Eventually, our once a week meetups weren't enough. We wanted to talk even more, especially me. Sometimes we'd meet up at parks, cafes, or even our houses, wherever closest, just to see each other. 

When I hugged Robyn goodbye for the day, I couldn't help but wonder. What if it was her & I that purchased a home together? We probably would've argued over color-scheme. We'd kiss each other goodbye before work. We'd watch tv while on the couch eating potato chips. We'd make the mundane extraordinary. I quickly shook my head, hoping to rid myself of these thoughts. I'm with Rosella. I love Rosella. I am so happy to be with her. She puts up with my crap, she shows me nothing but love, and she encourages me to be the best possible version of myself.

But, should I be with someone that I need encouragement from to be my best? Shouldn't I already be my best with them?

After a late night of drinking at the bar, I stumbled home late. Rosella was sitting on the couch, just waiting for me. I could sense her anger. I stifled a snicker because of how it seems our roles have reversed since university. "What's so funny? I wanna laugh too. All I can focus on is how I have work in three hours. I'm just surprised that you think it was okay to be out until 5 in the morning." I'm tempted to roll my eyes, but I stop myself. She is right. "It was just Robyn, y'know, my old friend from high-school." Rosella had this look of annoyance on her face that caused me to stop talking.  "I'm not stupid, Logan. *sigh* I know that you wouldn't cheat on me, you aren't that kind of guy, but I feel like your 'friendship' with Robyn has crossed a line.  I deserve all of you and I refuse to settle for anything less. What does she really give you that I don't?"
I stood there, my mouth ajar. I kept looking for words but none came to me. 

Robyn was shocked when she heard about our argument. She offered to talk to Rosella and tell her about how we were strictly friends, but I wasn't going to force her to do that, besides, I doubted it would make much of a difference. I know that everything happens for a reason. Robyn tapped on my shoulder at that store for a reason. We were talking again for a reason. It was deeper than mere coincidence. As I readied to tell her of this newfound revelation, she had something to tell me.

"I know you guys haven't really talked in a while, but because he still considers you a lifelong friend, I had to share the good news. Isaac and I have started seeing each other again!"

Chapter 23: Coffee

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 23: Coffee

It was on a shopping trip.

While Rosella was trying on clothes, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see none other than Robyn. She had dyed her hair back to brown and toned down her wardrobe. A flood of emotions came in overwhelming me. For a moment, I forgot where I was and who I was with. We talked for a couple minutes until agreeing to meet up for coffee later that week. It was just going to be coffee with an old friend. I hadn't seen or heard from Robyn since high school, that was nearly six years ago. I wanted to get to know the person she grew into and I know she felt the same.

While at the cafe, Robyn told me how she overheard what I had said to Isaac senior year About her being crazy. I blushed for a moment, ashamed of my rudeness. I started to apologize before she cut me off. "I hated you for years after that, Logan. I felt like you just weren't understanding me. No one was even trying to understand me at that point. But hey, I guess that's how every teenager feels".

I told her that she looks a lot different from then. She gave me a puzzled look as I tried explaining how my comment was meant to be a compliment. Our conversation started off a bit rocky, to put it nicely.

The jokes were contrived and our laughs were insincere.

However, after a short while, those six years apart melted away. It was just her and I. We were in the cafe, reminiscing about old times, talking about our futures. I told her about everything and everyone. I left out one small detail about my life though. I didn't tell her that I was engaged. 

I didn't even tell her that I was seeing someone. 

Chapter 22: Time-Lapse

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 22: Time-Lapse 

Isaac and I didn't speak much after our freshman year of university. He dedicated all of his time to his studies, family, and that Nigerian girl.

Of course I missed him, at least at first. The issue with not talking for long periods at a time is that the longer it is, the more awkward it becomes to say something. You're less sure of where you two stand and what you have in common. I was initially saddened, but how could I (or anyone for that matter) be sad when they have someone as beautiful as Rosella in their lives?

She really brought out a side of me I never even knew existed. Sophomore year I switched my major to Video Game Design. I was much more passionate about what I was studying now. For the first time in my entire life, I felt certain of what the next step was.

I couldn't take any steps without Lory though. I visited her whenever I could while in college. She seemed to grow up so fast.

I changed my attire to something more 'dad-appropriate' whenever I saw her. I just wanted to be sure that she saw me as a mature adult in her life rather than the scared kid I felt like.

University soon ended and Rosella and I were still together. This was the longest relationship either of us had ever been in. We were both scared to death. But even more than that, we were excited, happy, and in love. We purchased a starter home together. It was Rosella's idea to rent a home on the same peninsula that Rayven and Lory lived on. This way I could be more active in my daughter's life. We made major decisions together. I had proposed to Rosella in university, but we still hadn't married. Rosella thought we should've just eloped freshman year. I wanted to wait until after we graduated, moved into a house, and were both financially stable. We were both artists. This is a beautiful and frustrating thing to share. Finding work was a bit of a struggle, especially for me.

None of that mattered though. We were so right for each other.

Our house was comfortably small, plenty for just the two of us.

Our backyard was nice as well. We had chosen this home so that when we had children, there would be ample play area. Everything seemed to be falling into place.

Chapter 21: Spinning

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 21: Spinning

Partying wasn't really my style. While Rosella and her friend were living it up on the dancefloor, I'd be playing 'Don't Wake the Llama' in the back.

The few times I did break out of my comfort zone were really fun and she loved it. I'd have a couple drinks and then start dancing like an octopus. It was a side of me that no one had seen before, even I hadn't.

Though Rosella was an insider, sometimes she'd still have to flirt in order to get us in the bars. Initially, I thought it was pretty weird and I got jealous. After a while, I just became used to it. I even got used to the guys that would just stare at her. Who could blame them? She was radiant.

Most nights would end when someone passed out. That someone, was usually Jacen. It was a mixture between excessive drinking and sleep deprivation (since we stayed out until 5 in the morning most nights).

Though I always knew she was an insider, I didn't know just how much Rosella loved to go out. We'd go out at least four times a week. Didn't matter if there were exams the next day or if I was incredibly tired. If I didn't go with her, she'd laugh playfully and accuse me of never being any fun. I just wanted to keep her happy.

It quickly became a cycle. Class, partying, and sleep. Unfortunately, if any of those one things had to suffer, it was usually class.

After a night of heavy drinking and staying up for so long, I lashed out at Rosella. I told her that I was getting annoyed with this lifestyle and that it was either parties or me. I immediately regretted it as soon as I saw her lower lip tremble. I told her that I was just drunk and tired, that I didn't really mean it, but she knew that wasn't completely true. She held my hands to calm me and said it was alright if I wanted to stay back at the dorms more. She told me that she didn't want me to feel the need to change myself for her.

We spent the rest of that night snuggling. I couldn't believe how lucky I was. 

Chapter 20: A New World

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 20: A New World

A few months pass and the second semester of university begins. All this time, I had been fantasizing about Rosella. I was so afraid of going after someone my friend liked. Then I realized that I shouldn't feel guilty about my feelings, Isaac's made it incredibly clear that he is not interested in dating her. I saw her in the commons and decided to go over. I spent weeks alone in my dorm making sure I would say the right thing without sounding stupid. I took a deep breath and started, "Rosella, you are beautiful and any man would be lucky to have you. I'd like for that lucky man to be me". Before I could continue, she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I laughed nervously, guess I'll take that as a yes.

Even though Isaac said he'd be around more, he still wasn't. I understood, he was on the pre-med track after-all. If he wasn't in the library studying, then he was with Marissa. They'd be on dates or he'd be watching her piano recital. Though it was a frustrating time, I knew it was only temporary. At least, I hoped it was.

Jacen and I became friends through Rosella. He would usually be our third musketeer when Isaac was too busy. Jacen would always brag about his girlfriend. Said she was cute with a wicked personality and obscure taste in music.  After hearing him go on and on about her for weeks, curiosity took over and I asked to see a picture of her.

I tried to not allow my jaw to hit the floor when I saw her. Everything he said was true. He was dating Robyn. Multiple emotions hit me simultaneously. At first, I was shocked. I hadn't seen or even thought about Robyn in months and when I do see her, she is set as the wallpaper on some dude's phone. I was confused. Jacen told me they met at some underground concert, but I wasn't really listening. Her hair was still a bright turquoise, only now it had grown to her shoulders. Everything she seemed to wear were ripped, torn, or acid washed clothing. I didn't feel love when I looked at her though. I no longer desired her. The ten year crush was a curse that had finally been lifted and I was so relieved. I didn't want or need someone like that in my life, I have Rosella now.

Rosella was big on the club scene. She'd gather a group of people and we would all head out to bars.

Though the bar scene wasn't really for me, Rosella loved it. She was an insider and could always get us anywhere at anytime. I found something so alluring about that look she'd get in her eyes from nightclubs. It kept drawing me in.

Chapter 19: Throwback

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 19: Throwback

After our kiss, Rosella and I avoided talking about it. We acted as if not acknowledging it meant that it didn't happen.

University started to feel a lot like highschool. There were three of us again, me, Isaac, and this time, Rosella.

The similarity didn't end there. Isaac became enthralled in someone just like he had before. He and Marissa were fairly conservative in public, but they were always together. I could tell that constantly seeing them wasn't the easiest situation for Rosella to be in. I could relate to how she was feeling all too well.

I started to fear that I was losing my best friend all over again. When this fear would come about, Rosella was always there to comfort me,  She advised me to just speak with Isaac and tell him how I didn't want to lose our friendship.

She was such a cool person without even trying to be. I was kind of in awe.

I took her advice and sat down to talk with Isaac. I told him how I had been feeling and he reassured me that I had nothing to worry about. He said that being with Marissa makes his parents happy and that makes him happy. He promised to try and make more time for us to hang out, just us, like back in the day. Isaac didn't quite seem to be in love with Marissa or anything, so why stay with her? Why be with someone that doesn't excite you when you could've been with Rosella?

The outgoing,

talented,

beautiful, Rosella.

Chapter 18: What's Right

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 18: What's Right

Spring Break came pretty fast. Rosella told us that she'd love to go camping with her roommate Kimmie, but didn't quite have the money to do it. Isaac and I decided to join them. I was actually hoping that this trip would allow Isaac to see how silly he was being by not going after Rosella.

Camping was actually pretty cool. I roasted a marshmallow for the first time that week.

While I was thoroughly enjoying the great outdoors,

Isaac seemed to be focusing on something - or someone - else.

Isaac loves astrology, but when him and Rosella laid down to watch the stars, he was watching her.

Issac wasn't the only one flirting. Kimmie and I grew much closer on this trip.

Rosella was definitely the best storyteller I've ever met. She was just so animated while speaking and just had this way with words.

It wasn't hard to see why Isaac was so smitten with her.

Kimmie and I became a little more than friends.

Actually, a lot more. I guess you could say that we bonded.

Once the trip ended, Isaac and Rosella were closer than ever.

Rosella asked me to talk with her in the student commons, she sounded a little nervous, which was out of character for her. She told me that she was thinking about making a move on Isaac, but wasn't sure if he even saw her as more than a friend. I couldn't help but laugh a little, it was obvious that they were both into each other. I merely encouraged her.

And I'm sure things would've worked out differently if Isaac didn't get that text message from his parents that night.

Isaac often broke the dorm curfew. He'd walk from the guys' dorm to the girls' dorm in the middle of the night, just to see Rosella. They'd spend the entire time just talking.

This night, Rosella took my advice and made a move...only to be immediately shot down. Isaac didn't stay over long that night.

The next day, Isaac introduced me to his new friend Marissa. Apparently she was a friend of his family back in Nigeria. Her family had recently moved and both sets of parents were encouraging them to be together.

I don't know if I'll ever understand why Isaac was so afraid of disappointing his parents, but he was. He knew that they would want Marissa, a nice, simple Nigerian girl studying cardiology over Rosella, a loud, tattooed, opinionated, boisterous art major.

I headed over to Rosella's dorm. I wanted her to hear about Marissa from me first so that she wouldn't be blindsided. Maybe I have some sort of hero complex, but I felt that a girl like her deserved greatness. I comforted her and we talked for a long time, missing our morning classes to do so. One thing led to another and there we were.

I had just made out with the girl that my best friend was crazy about. 

And I didn't even regret it.