Chapter 5: Robyn's Story

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 5:  Robyn's Story

When I first walked through the doors of Haven High School, I was less than thrilled.  My family's moved around for as long as I can remember.  We've been everywhere from Oasis Springs to Willow Creek.  I guess since work's never been steady for him, living wasn't either. We were constantly struggling to just pay bills. I would never resent my dad, I understand completely, but it does get quite lonely.  The last time I stayed somewhere long enough to actually make a friend was when I was around six.  His name was Logan and I don't even remember what city he was from. 

Now, I'm not one to believe in fate or anything, but I'll admit it was quite...interesting that Logan was the very first face I saw at Haven High.

Of course I had to catch up with him. I recall him being an awkward child.  He was still an awkward teenager, but he was actually kind of cute (in a non-conventional sort of way).  So cute in fact that I couldn't help but stare.  I experienced the most embarrassing moment of my life when he actually noticed my gaze. I couldn't hide the obvious blush on my cheeks, but I managed to create a convincing lie.  "Oh, um, I was just staring at your friend."  He believed it without question and I was relieved.  What I didn't expect to happen was for him to actually introduce me to his friend. 

I assumed that Logan introducing me to Isaac meant that he wasn't interested in me romantically.  It's not like I loved the dude or anything anyway so I shrugged it off and decided to get to know Isaac. He was definitely the most attractive person I had ever met in person.  When we spoke he was also fairly interesting and fun to talk to.  It didn't take long for me to fall for him.

As romance was blossoming with Isaac and I, Logan seemed to have set his sights on another girl. Don't worry, I didn't try to sabotage their relationship or anything, besides, I was already content in mine. Still, it's pretty upsetting to see someone you're attracted to be so into someone else.

I felt bombarded by their romance every time I turned a corner, walked to class, or used my locker.  Eventually, I just started using different routes to avoid them. This meant that Logan and I began talking a lot less.

Sure, I would occasionally glance at him during class. A part of me would wonder if I had made the right decision. Had I chosen the right guy? Maybe Logan did like me and I should've just confessed my attraction months ago.

Recently, we've grown quite distant. I'll try talking to him in class or in the cafeteria, but he just zones out.  It's as if I'm not even there. I miss him.

Isaac and I have gotten quite close. I actually have intimacy issues and anything beyond 'messing around' terrifies me. In the back of my head I knew that Isaac would want something more, but I still hoped it wouldn't happen. One night we're making out on his couch. Soon making out becomes steamier than usual. I tell him that I'm uncomfortable. He thinks I'm joking, laughs it off, and then continues. As his hands slide onto my waist, I get up. That's when this look of disgust covers his face. "What are you, some tease? Why come to my house, why date, if you're not even gonna put out?" I was incredulous about what was happening. Is my boyfriend not the same caring man I thought he was? "You heard me". I'm snapped out of my thoughts. "Put out or get out." It was Winter and I was not interested in leaving his house in nothing but my skivvies. "Don't worry, I'm not some monster, just find a ride home." 

Aside from my parents', who didn't even know I was at a boy's house right now, Logan's number was the only one I had memorized.  Sure, we hadn't spoken in a while, but this situation trumps all. Right? The first thing Logan does when entering Isaac's house is yell at me, berating me.  

No one had ever looked at me with such disgust before, not even Isaac.