Chapter 11: Explosive

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 11: Explosive

I heard Robyn and Isaac having a pretty heated discussion one night. It started off seemingly calm. I must admit, I was being pretty nosy, but I was curious. "Robyn, I know what's been going on.."

Isaac knew that Robyn had been unfaithful. All I knew was when she kissed our teacher, but were there others?  At first, Robyn adamantly denied the accusation. However, after Isaac raised his voice and the conversation progressed, she owned up to it. "Yes Isaac, I have cheated on you. But you don't make things easy. You seem to have lost interest in me lately. Is it really so wrong and unexpected that I looked for someone else?" For a moment, it was silent. Isaac then proceeded to yell at Robyn, calling her all kinds of names  Telling her that if this is how she chose to behave, then she didn't deserve his love.

"Alright then. We're over. I refuse to stay with someone that doesn't think I'm good enough".  Isaac was not expecting that response. He imagined that Robyn would break down and get on her knees begging him to forgive him. That night Isaac did more crying than Robyn.

Once they both left Isaac's room, I was heated.  I couldn't believe he'd talk to her that way.  Sure, she's made a couple mistakes, but who hasn't? That was when Isaac kicked me out, but I didn't care. I had to defend her.

I then went over to Robyn.  I refused to leave until I saw her smile.  Thankfully, I was successful.  So successful in fact that she invited me to stay with her now.  She said her dad was never home anyway so it wouldn't really matter.

The night ended with Robyn looking at me in a way she never had before.

Chapter 10: Repaired

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 10: Repaired

The only downside about staying with Isaac, aside from sleeping on the couch, is that now watching their love wasn't just confined to school hours. Whenever they were together, I was right there.

 

Isaac would usually gesture for me to go away. Robyn and I still weren't on speaking terms ever since I yelled at her last year. The front door of Isaac's house opened directly into his living room, their hook-up venue of choice. I would just awkwardly walk in on them and try to leave swiftly without embarrassing myself too much. I was usually unsuccessful.

One day after school, I left my backpack and returned to the classroom to get it. Much to my surprise, I walked in on Robyn and our teacher Mr. Danielson. Let's just say, she was being taught beyond the average lesson plan.

Isaac had soccer practice that day and Robyn had forgotten and showed up to his place anyway.  I took advantage of our alone time. I told her that I knew what was going on. She pretended to be clueless for a while before admitting to cheating on Isaac.

"Logan, I promise it was a one time thing. Sometimes my love with Isaac just feels so one-sided. I doubt he'd even notice my cheating. Or care. All of this doubt I have about our relationship just kinda turned into that. I don't expect you to know what it feels like to love someone so much."

I simply nodded and promised not to tell. I don't know why I did it, if anything I owed loyalty to Isaac over her, but what would telling him accomplish? He'd overthink everything or he'd think I was lying. Either outcome was negative.

She was ecstatic and we hugged each other. It felt like the first time in forever. We were back on good terms and it was wonderful.

Chapter 9: Expect the Unexpected

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 9: Expect the Unexpected

I told Isaac all about the fun Rayven and I had on the trip and how she ended up calling a few weeks later.

Rayven had called and told me that she was pregnant. She took a test and even went to her doctor, there was no mistaking it. She was expecting and I would soon become a father. 

I knew that I had to tell my grandmother. I'm an awful liar and even though I knew she'd be disappointed, she deserved to hear the truth.  I brought it up one night at dinner.

She was furious. She told me that I wasn't raised this way and that I should be ashamed. She said I would forever be an embarrassment to the family. She told me that since I made the decision to "act like an adult", then I can live without her like an adult. 

I tried to calm her down. I apologized for my actions and told her that I wish I could take it all back. She wasn't listening though, her mind had already been made up.

I told Isaac that this was why his friendship was so crucial to me right now. Then, I eased into the tough subject of asking to be his house guest.  

After thinking about it, he agreed.  Said I could crash on their luxury sofa for as long as I needed to. I knew Isaac wouldn't let me down. 

Chapter 8: What Happens Far Away Stays Far Away

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 8: What Happens Far Away Stays Far Away

Shortly after the Field Trip, my behavior began to change. I stopped showing up to school completely for a while. 

Apparently, people did still care.  Especially Robyn.  She would often tell Isaac of how she worried about me. 

  

After missing school for about a month straight, I returned. What had happened was too much for me to continue stressing over.  I needed to reach out to a friend.  I needed Isaac back.  I apologized profusely. He was angry.  "You just stopped talking to me last year. You cancelled all of our plans. You isolated yourself from Jaz, from Robyn, and even from me without any explanation. Why do you suddenly wanna talk again?"

I told him that I just needed someone willing to listen.  I told him that seeing him and Robyn together after my breakup was just unpleasant, so that's why I stopped hanging out.  At least this wasn't a complete lie. After listening to me for a while, he reluctantly forgave me. Now, I could tell him about what was really on my mind.  The reason behind my absence.

It all started with a call I got one morning before school.

A call that shook me up so badly that the best I could do was to try to run away from my problems.

Chapter 7: The Field Trip

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 7:  The Field Trip

The school year ended similarly to how life was before I met Robyn. I was alone.  I was relieved when summer came along because even though I was still alone, I wouldn't have to see everyone else. Seeing Isaac made me jealous.  Seeing Robyn made me feel hurt.  Seeing Jaz made me feel ashamed. Our final year of high-school started with our teaching announcing a field trip. Apparently the school found some extra money in the budget and were able to send us to an island right off the coast. They said we would gain experience with marine life and it was an opportunity that couldn't be passed up.  I was excited and ready to go somewhere new.  Hopefully I could finally get my mind off of everything that happened last year. 

The first sight I see on the island is Robyn and Isaac. I'm not entirely sure what happened that night between them, but apparently it wasn't bad enough to break up over. Isaac has tried to reach out to me, but I just can't talk to him like I used to.  I can't pretend that everything is alright, even though he thinks it is. Sure, it's probably unfair because it's not like Isaac knew I liked Robyn, maybe I'm just being immature

Things seemed to be working out for Jaz as well. She was quick to befriend Matias, the school's foreign exchange student. It seemed as if she had completely forgotten about me. I had no right to be angry or envious though. I lost her and it was my own fault.

I left the rest of the group and wandered around aimlessly for hours. 

Eventually, I saw a girl that made me stop in my tracks. Her eyes were absolutely mesmerizing and I had never encountered someone that looked quite like her. My family was quite conservative, the entire town was actually, so seeing someone with dyed hair was almost unheard of.  This was part of what fueled my attraction.

She was very approachable and quite engaging. I discovered that her name was Rayven.  We talked for hours and I learned how different we were. I was introverted and an overthinker while she was an outspoken, go-with-the-flow kind of girl. 

She taught me how not to think.  We didn't stop to ask questions.  

We just went with it. 

Chapter 6: Consolation Prize

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 6:  Consolation Prize

I didn't mean to lash out at Robyn like that. My head was just spinning. It's two in the morning when my phone rings, waking me up. It was Robyn.  We hadn't even spoken in months at the time. I answer the phone in my groggy voice and she asks if I could get her from Isaac's house.  I'm confused but I go ahead and do it. At the front door I am greeted by an underwear-clad Robyn. I didn't see Isaac but honestly, I wasn't even looking for him. I thought I was over Robyn. No, I am over Robyn. But, there was just something so weird about knowing Isaac gets to see her like this all the time and how I never will. The car ride to her house is complete silence. I will always remember that night. I will always remember how much I messed up in those moments.

Needless to say, our friendship had vanished.

Because I no longer had my typical group of friends, I fully poured myself into the one person I had left: Jaz.  

I thought we were together a lot before, but now we were inseparable. 

We became that couple. I'm sure you know the type.  The type of couple that does absolutely everything together.  The couple you wonder if they are physically glued together. 

What can I say? I was young, dumb, and I thought it was love. I was just too into her. 

I started to smother her.  "I love spending time with you Logan. I really do, but it's starting to become a tad overbearing. Everywhere I go, you're there too. At home, at school, during class, in the halls, on the weekends. It's just a bit much. I'm sorry."

I don't know what I was thinking that day, but it probably had to do with how I felt I was losing everyone important to me simultaneously.  I asked her what was so bad about being together?  Why didn't she want to accept my love? "I think I'm in love with you, Robyn."

Jaz's eyes burrowed into my soul. "Is that what this is? I'm just some consolation prize for Robyn?" 

I knew that from this point forward, I had absolutely no one.  Because of my bad timing, impulsiveness, and stupidity, I had isolated myself.

Without having anyone else to talk to at school, I began reading more.  I started spending my lunch periods in the library, hoping I could read about a world better than the one I was currently living in.

Chapter 5: Robyn's Story

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 5:  Robyn's Story

When I first walked through the doors of Haven High School, I was less than thrilled.  My family's moved around for as long as I can remember.  We've been everywhere from Oasis Springs to Willow Creek.  I guess since work's never been steady for him, living wasn't either. We were constantly struggling to just pay bills. I would never resent my dad, I understand completely, but it does get quite lonely.  The last time I stayed somewhere long enough to actually make a friend was when I was around six.  His name was Logan and I don't even remember what city he was from. 

Now, I'm not one to believe in fate or anything, but I'll admit it was quite...interesting that Logan was the very first face I saw at Haven High.

Of course I had to catch up with him. I recall him being an awkward child.  He was still an awkward teenager, but he was actually kind of cute (in a non-conventional sort of way).  So cute in fact that I couldn't help but stare.  I experienced the most embarrassing moment of my life when he actually noticed my gaze. I couldn't hide the obvious blush on my cheeks, but I managed to create a convincing lie.  "Oh, um, I was just staring at your friend."  He believed it without question and I was relieved.  What I didn't expect to happen was for him to actually introduce me to his friend. 

I assumed that Logan introducing me to Isaac meant that he wasn't interested in me romantically.  It's not like I loved the dude or anything anyway so I shrugged it off and decided to get to know Isaac. He was definitely the most attractive person I had ever met in person.  When we spoke he was also fairly interesting and fun to talk to.  It didn't take long for me to fall for him.

As romance was blossoming with Isaac and I, Logan seemed to have set his sights on another girl. Don't worry, I didn't try to sabotage their relationship or anything, besides, I was already content in mine. Still, it's pretty upsetting to see someone you're attracted to be so into someone else.

I felt bombarded by their romance every time I turned a corner, walked to class, or used my locker.  Eventually, I just started using different routes to avoid them. This meant that Logan and I began talking a lot less.

Sure, I would occasionally glance at him during class. A part of me would wonder if I had made the right decision. Had I chosen the right guy? Maybe Logan did like me and I should've just confessed my attraction months ago.

Recently, we've grown quite distant. I'll try talking to him in class or in the cafeteria, but he just zones out.  It's as if I'm not even there. I miss him.

Isaac and I have gotten quite close. I actually have intimacy issues and anything beyond 'messing around' terrifies me. In the back of my head I knew that Isaac would want something more, but I still hoped it wouldn't happen. One night we're making out on his couch. Soon making out becomes steamier than usual. I tell him that I'm uncomfortable. He thinks I'm joking, laughs it off, and then continues. As his hands slide onto my waist, I get up. That's when this look of disgust covers his face. "What are you, some tease? Why come to my house, why date, if you're not even gonna put out?" I was incredulous about what was happening. Is my boyfriend not the same caring man I thought he was? "You heard me". I'm snapped out of my thoughts. "Put out or get out." It was Winter and I was not interested in leaving his house in nothing but my skivvies. "Don't worry, I'm not some monster, just find a ride home." 

Aside from my parents', who didn't even know I was at a boy's house right now, Logan's number was the only one I had memorized.  Sure, we hadn't spoken in a while, but this situation trumps all. Right? The first thing Logan does when entering Isaac's house is yell at me, berating me.  

No one had ever looked at me with such disgust before, not even Isaac.