Chapter 32: Fairytales

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 32: Fairytales

After receiving the news, I felt miserable. I decided that I should start attending therapy. Learning of my diagnosis brought this sort of depression.

We had weekly sessions. I came to quite a few realizations with her. I always looked for outer means of happiness because there was this void from never having met my parents. My therapist theorizes that perhaps I was so drawn to Robyn because she reminded me of my parents. Though I don't remember them, I did live with them for the first four years of my life. I told my therapist everything. I told her about how I'm a teacher and I finally feel like my life has a purpose.

Somehow our conversations always returned to Robyn. I told her how the wedding was the most mortifying moment of my life. That's when she told me that I had to reach out to Robyn again. She told me that much of my unhappiness comes from these unresolved feelings that I have for her. She told me that at the very least I need closure.
 I decided to take some time to think it through before I did anything I might regret

After I told Lory of my disease, she decided to take a gap year before starting university so that she could stay with me. I told her that was unnecessary, but she insisted. I'm just glad that teaching allowed me to save up enough money to get a house again.
I was surprised when Lory entered my room one night. She was in tears and looked frantic. She was thinking about my grandma.
"Dad, I know that your grandma kicked you out when she found out you were gonna be a father. Do you ever regret having me? Do you wish mom never got pregnant?"

I looked into her eyes, genuinely confused. How could someone so wonderful ever doubt that they're wanted.  "Of course not, Lory. You are constantly amazing me. I don't deserve to have such a wonderful daughter." I wiped the tears from her face as we hugged.
"I heard you on the phone with Isaac. You've been telling him about your therapy sessions. I know that you're debating on whether or not to reach out to Robyn again. I think that you just have to."

That was the push I needed to reach out to her. I called Robyn that same night and she answered. We told each other about how our lives were going. It's been five years since the wedding. She told me about how she's a caretaker now. I told her about my disease and how it's begun to affect me. She rushed over as soon as she could. She told me that she felt compelled to care for me. She would help around the house, cook meals, and even massage my back when it ached. After a few months, we both agreed that it was best if she just moved in with Lory and I.

Her and Lory got along swimmingly.  Eventually, the months turned to a year. Lory left for school and it was a tearful parting. She'd stop by every now and again while in university but for the most part, it was just Robyn and I. After living together for a few years, this 'dance' was getting tiring. I felt like a teenager all over again. I started feeling flustered every time she brushed past me. I started being able to taste the love cooked in her food.
I promised myself that I'd never put my heart at risk of being crushed by her ever again. If something were to come from this, she would have to initiate it

I was having trouble getting out of bed when she assisted me. Our eyes locked and without saying a word, she began kissing me. Sure, we had kissed before, but that was years ago and it didn't mean nearly as much as it meant now.
"Did I wait too long? Is it too late?," she asked me.
"It's never too late. This feels so right."

Oh yeah! 

Robyn and Isaac are still together. They eloped only a few short months after fleeing the wedding. Now they have three beautiful children.

There's Jamie,

Robert,

and Olivia.

So, I think it's safe to say that everyone ended up with their fairytale ending. 

I won't lie, at some moments it hardly felt worth it to keep on. I never thought there would be a day when I felt this happy.  I guess it's true what they say, 

"If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger."

Chapter 31: Feeling Sick

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 31: Feeling Sick

Ever since the wedding fiasco, I've stopped focusing on Robyn. I'm working on myself for the first time ever. I'm looking within. I finally realized what I wanted to do with my life. I want to be a teacher. Since I received a degree in art, that's what I'm capable of teaching. I've been offered a job at Lory's old elementary school. I wanted to share the good news with my grandmother. I know that she's not going to be around forever. She's never seen me actually reach my full potential until now.

I decided to bring Lory on the trip. My grandma had never seen Lory in person until today. I'm so proud of Lory, she's grown up to be such a wonderful young lady. She is at the top of her class and never ceases to amaze me. Sometimes I can't believe that we share the same genes. I always beg her to not screw things up like I did.

Lory and grandma seemed to hit it off well. I'm quite glad they did because just a few weeks later she passed away. It was almost as if she was delaying her death until she saw my daughter and I succeed.

I've started to feel pretty awful physically and emotionally ever since she died. My back's been aching, I'm always tired, and now I've found blood in my urine. I need to go to the doctor.

I wasn't prepared for what she told me. I have Polycystic Kidney Disease. It isn't a severe case, and there are treatments, but it is incurable. Apparently it's genetic and I will live out the rest of my days suffering from it.   

Chapter 30: The Time is Now

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 30: The Time is Now



As the ceremony began, I turned to look at Issac's mother. Her face said it all. Their was a lifetime worth of regret written across it. Her son was successful in his own right now, something she hadn't realized until this very moment. I heard that the last time her and Isaac spoke is when he rekindled his relationship with Robyn.

I moped on the walk to my seat. This is actually happening right now. My best friend is marrying the love of my life. The only thing I can do is sit here, smile, and pretend to be happy for them like I know I should.

No, no, no. Wait a second. Am I really gonna let the love of my life slip away from me forever? Am I really just going to stand aside and pretend that the last twenty-five years didn't happen? Could I continue living with myself if I don't at least try? I take a few deep breaths, readying myself for this moment. I'm just gonna start sprinting down the aisle until I see her and that's when...what's happening now?

"There's no easy way to say this, but I just can't do this."
"W-What?!" Robyn's lip begins to tremble. Everyone at the wedding holds their breath.

"I've spent my entire life trying to impress my parents and living up to their impossible expectations for me. I fought so hard to be with you, in spite of their harsh rules. I've come to realize that all this time I've been fighting for the wrong girl. The right girl is actually here. It's Rosella."

Robyn begins to sob.

Rosella turns to me,  both of us in shock, "What did he just say?"

"Rosella, I was so foolish in college. You are the most beautiful and interesting person I have ever met. I've always been my truest self with you. I never in a million years thought that I'd be this bold. What do ya' say? I have no idea where we're gonna go from here, but I know it'll be great if we're together."

No one utters a word. Robyn is completely devastated. Isaac's boldness only further encourages me. When Robyn comes down the aisle in tears, I reached out and stop her. "Robyn, I know you're feeling sad right now, but I have a confession to make. I've been in love with you practically since the day I met you. We could turn this day around if you reciprocate these feelings?" 

For the longest time, she say's nothing. All eyes are on us. 

"'feeling sad'? Are you kidding? This man that I'm in love with, a man that I thought loved me back just left me at the altar! See, this is why you and I would never work out. Your sense of timing is beyond awful".

I watched as she stormed off. I guess this is the end of whatever I thought we had.

Chapter 29: Enough

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 29: Enough

Waking up after being intimate with Moa really lit a fire beneath my butt. I couldn't continue living this way. I couldn't continue to escape difficult situations by getting caught up in a moment. The last time I was caught up in a moment, I lost a six-year relationship. I'm twenty-six right now. I'm at a much different place in life than I was when I was nineteen. What I did was irresponsible.

I need to be with my kid right now. I need to be there for her. I know that she doesn't resent me. She's fine with exchanging calls and texts since I'm not there every day, but that's not enough. I have to finally step up to the plate and help raise my daughter.

The moment I had this realization, I rushed over to their place. I started off by talking to Rayven. "I am so so sorry for not being there the way I should have.  Even though we are both Lory's parents, you're the only one that's been behaving like one." 

"When I became pregnant with Lory, it was as if I was all alone. You finished high-school and went off to college. I was homeschooled as soon as I started to show and I've been taking online classes so that I'm able to stay home with our daughter. I'm sure being a father hasn't been easy for you, but this surely has not been easy for me. I used to hate you, but I don't anymore. We were both kids having a kid. I'm just glad you're here now." 
I cancelled my lease for my condo and moved in with Rayven and Lory. I found an invitation to Isaac and Robyn's wedding a few months later. Initially, the wedding was meant to take place that summer, however, the date kept getting moved back. Isaac would call and tell me that the timing just never felt quite right. At one point, Robyn was pregnant so they had to decide what to do about that. (They ended up giving the baby up for adoption). At one point Isaac was waiting on a raise. The wedding didn't actually happen until three years after he proposed.

The first person I noticed when I got there was Rosella. She didn't look any less stunning than before. She was even more beautiful now, if that was possible.

"Logan! How've you been?" We caught each other up on our lives. Apparently, Rosella was doing extremely well. She was working in the graphic design division of apps. Her company was responsible for the hit new app, 'SnapThat'. I was honestly in awe of her success.

"I'm assuming things didn't work out with Robyn?" I just held my head low and sighed. "I still feel awful about what happened."  She just wrapped an arm around me and said, "Don't hold onto that guilt Logan. I was bitter in the moment, but I'm not anymore. That was six years ago. It's clear to me that we've both grown. I guess we just weren't meant to be. And that's okay."

Chapter 28: Tempted

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 28: Tempted

I could just picture those puppy-dog eyes of his. They really pop against his pink shirt.



He'd smile nervously, hoping that things were going well.

She'd smile back, pretending to be unaware of how anxious he was feeling. Her brown eyes would soften him even further. Robyn just had this way of smiling with her eyes that was both sweet and sultry.

I don't know why I'm even focusing on that right now. It's not like I was even there at the moment. I was with Moa. Actually, I had been with Moa a lot recently.

We would argue endlessly about philosophy, religion, politics, and the planet. Our beliefs always seemed to clash. We got on each other's nerves in the right way. I was actually beginning to learn a thing or two from this girl.

I was walking into my room in the night when I was tempted.

She stepped away from the bed and sat in my chair. She didn't say a single word. She didn't have to. Her intentions were clear. She wanted to sleep together. I gulped as I began to consider this opportunity. I was twenty-seven years old at the time. Moa was nineteen. This is completely legal, but why am I feeling slightly guilty? She's an adult. I glanced over at her, biting my lip, the temptation was strong.

"Are you sure about this?" I really didn't want to sound like her dad, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't help but think about how she was still in primary school when I had entered college. Though we were both adults, we were not at the same places in life. Was this an okay thing to do? She simply responded with an, "Of course."

We started off pretty slow. I told myself that we probably shouldn't go all the way tonight.

One thing casually led to another though.

It was all a sensual blur. I remember waking up early in the morning in Moa's bed. The first thing I see is the scared expression that sweeps across her face as she glances at the bed. Crap. Crap. Crap. I just boinked my roommate. I just bunked my nineteen year old roommate. What's worse, the memories of the night began rushing back. I had imagined that it was Robyn the entire night. I might've even called out Robyn's name by accident. I looked back at Moa and I clearly saw the pain in her eyes.
I was officially scum. I had hit rock bottom.

On the brighter side of things, my best friend finally worked up the courage to propose to the love of my life. She said yes. They scheduled the ceremony for one year from that date. 

Congratulations.

Chapter 27: Back to School

If It Doesn't Kill Us It Makes Us Stronger

Chapter 27: Back to School

Since neither Rosella or I could in good conscious keep the house, we ended our lease together. Staying with Rayven didn't seem to be an option. Rayven and I just cannot get along and I refuse to allow Lory to watch us if we became a trainwreck. Staying with Isaac and Robyn is an experience that I refuse to relive. Luckily, family is always there for you through tough times. Grandma and I hadn't seen each other in years. The last time we spoke, she yelled and kicked me out.

My grandma was quite surprised to see me. I knew that she looked sad because of how our last conversation ended. I wish I would've came back sooner.

I comforted her. I apologized profusely for my actions. I admitted that I was incredibly irresponsible last time. I told her that Lory is growing up so fast and I promised to bring her by soon. I promised that I wasn't the same sixteen year-old Logan. I assured her that I had matured.

We reunited and she offered to let me live with her. I had hoped that we would repair our relationship, but I severely underestimated her kindness. Thanks to her, I was able to spend the next three years saving up for my own place.

With money from being a freelance artist, it took a while before I was comfortably on my feet, but it eventually happened. I decided to rent a condominium. I didn't want a house, it would be so large and seem empty. I'd often feel alone. I found one in the same neighborhood that Rayven and Lory resided in. This way I was back to being close to my daughter. She was getting old. In just a year, she'll officially be in the double-digits.

At the complex I had three roommates. There was Alaina. She was a virtuoso. There didn't seem to be a musical instrument that she couldn't play.

Brody was a writer. He assured all of us that he was just living here until his book started earning millions. Maybe it's just me, but I don't expect a book titled "How I Got This Awesome" written by someone unknown, to be on the top of bestseller lists. I wish him the best though.

Lastly, there was Moa. She was the youngest of us all. Just barely nineteen, she told me she was taking some time to truly 'find herself'. She was into all this new-age yoga, sustainable clothing, and often spoke of how to diminish her carbon footprint. Her dream was to introduce vegan cuisine to our country, becoming the first celebrity vegan chef.  Needless to say, we had very little in common. She was an interesting conversationalist though. 

I was speaking to my grandma, living with quirky roommates, and thrilled to be my own. This was like high-school all over again.